"Forget injuries, never forget kindnesses."--Confucius.
We made it through Monday and came out with our heads high. I've been focusing on good things, loving the dickens out of my children, showing patience and kindness all around, ordering books about developing strong girls, and doing a lot of yoga breathing.
One of the pitfalls of my personality is that I am very, very quick to get from problem to worst-case-scenario in my mind. I don't always give voice to these dangerous places that my mind goes to, but I just kind of fester in a state of worry. Hoo boy.
In 3 seconds flat, I can go from: Sam isn't home when he's supposed to.
to: I'm going to be so lonely and stressed out as a widow and single mom.
from: That's a weird rash on Reed's back.
to: "Boy, 3, dies of weird rash on back."
from: Skyler had a bad week at school.
to: I need to quit my job and homeschool, or
we need to move away, or
I'm going to need anti-anxiety meds.
We had a great weekend. I decided to stop interrogating Skyler about school and just love her. We had a few conversations about kindness and being strong and walking away from people who use unkind words. We practiced saying: "I don't need that in my life" when someone is not being nice. I might have given her a few hundred kisses and snuggles.
Today Sam and I had a very positive meeting with her teacher and the school counselor and I walked out of there feeling 25 pounds lighter and very proud of us for advocating for our girl. Everything that I wanted her teacher to say, she said. And Skyler had a great day at school. So, we are moving forward and assuming that this past week was a bump on the road. We are focusing on kindness and not on injury.
I'm not suggesting that I over-reacted, because I am very glad that we made our concerns known to the school. But I would like to teach myself to have concern and take action without getting myself into a state of heart-wrenching panic.
I did learn quite a lot this past week, and also asked myself a lot of questions. Some of these have been answered and some are left floating around in my head.
What is the line between advocating and hovering?
How much should I push my children to give me all of the details about their day?
Should I even be writing on the blog about their experiences at school?
When do our children's stories not belong to us anymore?
How do I separate their experiences and my feelings about them?
Why doesn't it sting quite as much when Reed says someone is mean on the playground?
How do you teach a six-year-old to avoid girls who need power?
Should I have written about something so painful while I was still right smack in the middle of it?
I removed the posts about Skyler's experiences only because it was stressing me out to have them there. I can't totally explain it, but I wanted to be able to move on and every time I imagined logging on here, I knew that I would re-read those posts and I needed a break from my own thoughts.
In conclusion: Everyone needs more kindness. I love my babies. Parenting is hard. Amen.