Thursday, August 9, 2012

Just the facts.

This could potentially be the longest blog post I've ever written, but after much, much deliberation, I've decided to make it short.

I feel torn between wanting to share more about all of this and needing to keep this short, honoring the other players in this story.  Let me just catch you up. 

Sam and I have separated and I am living in a condo in the neighboring town.  This step was made after the most painful year of our lives.

Questions I'm guessing you have:

What about the kids?
Sam and I will each have them half the time.
They will not change schools.
They are so incredibly loved and they know it.
They are doing remarkably well.

Here, look:





And me?
When I'm not with my kids, I miss them terribly, but am keeping as busy as I can.
I'm still training (as best I can) for the Half Ironman triathlon.  For my sanity.
I've never lived alone before, so on the nights I don't have the kids here, I'm getting used to that.
I am so totally surrounded by love and support and friendship.
I alternate between feeling terrified and brave.  Sometimes minute-to-minute.

Among the hundreds of things I have learned through this process (and I know there are many ahead of me), I would say most strongly that you never know.  You never know what is best for someone else, you never know what goes on in someone's marriage, you don't know how others feel or how you will feel until you are faced with new territory.

"All you know for sure is that your best-laid plans are susceptible to chaos, and--conversely--that what looks to you like the worst kind of chaos is really a beautiful double spiral in three dimensions.  Whatever else you have faith in, have faith in this: there is a strange attractor at work in your life that will not let you fly off the page.  There is no order without chaos.  There is no chaos without order.  They give birth to each other again and again."   --Barbara Brown Taylor

Thanks for respecting my need to back away from the blog for a little while.  Much love to all of you.





32 comments:

Pattie said...

:(

Sarah Woulfin said...

Em, I know I only know you through the interwebs, but I truly wish you the best and am here for you. You are so strong and brave and darn cool, and I hope everything works out for you, your kiddos, and your family. Much love, Sarah

Nitsirk said...

I know we have never met in person but I wanted to say I am so sorry to hear about this. Your kids are grounded and surrounded by people they love. You will all make it through this. Channel the emotions into your workouts and kick that Pumpkinman's rear end :) Hugs. Also, if you ever want another run/bike/swim/wine/pizza buddy in the Portland area I would be happy to oblige.

gretchen said...

Sending you much love. Even the right decisions can be the hardest ones. If you need anything in this town, I'd be happy to help. Take care!

Lee said...

Though I don't comment often, I am a big fan of your blog. Hang in there, Emilie!

Kirsten said...

I've probably already offered you all the platitudes i know, but wanted to extend love and support to your whole family during your transitions. And isn't all of life a series of transitions? Love to you all!

Samantha Burgie said...

You're a strong gal and very much loved by everyone, as I have seen here in your blog. Keep your chin up, embrace the changes <3

Willow @ My Own Trail said...

Thinking of you as you find your way through this transition. Even though I don't actually know you, I can tell from reading your blog that you are strong and brave and independent...all qualities that will help you work through this. Take care...

MaryBeth Pierce said...

You have a big community of followers who read your blog and are inspired by you every day. You have just crossed a major hurdle by sharing your divorce; well that was an incredible challenge for me. Stay strong (or heck scream and throw things) and know that we are all routing for you!

Hanna said...

;o( Hard times ahead. I hope things will turn better for everyone!

Amy Lawson said...

Oh Emilie, I can so relate to this right now. We're having a horrible time, too. I'm thinking of you a lot, and hoping things work out best for you and your heart. Hard decisions, and growth hurts. Sending my love.

Jodi said...

Emilie, I have so much respect and love for you and your family and I have lots of faith that you will all end up exactly where you need to. Life can be hard but i am a big believer that it can be the hard stuff (the stuff that busts you right open) that can bring you to the most transformative places. You have lots of people rooting for you (all of you). I heard this quote yesterday. It resonated. I hope it does the same for you. "If there is one door you have been told not to go through, you must. Otherwise you'll just be rearranging furniture in rooms you've already been in. But the writer’s job is to see what’s behind it, to see the bleak unspeakable stuff, and to turn the unspeakable into words—not just into any words but if we can, into rhythm and blues.” (Anne Lamott) Lots and lots of love to you and your family, Jodi

Jodi said...

PS: If you're ever in need of a blogger meetup, pow wow just to get away for a bit, i'd be happy to throw one together!

Kate W Crabtree said...

You're in my thoughts, Emilie.

Kelly said...

You've been in my blog rotations for over a year now -- think I found you when I was searching for green smoothie drinks, and I came across a lovely video you put together. Loved it. It is apparent how important your family is to you and I'm sending over warm thoughts and strength.

Sarah Parry said...

Take care of yourself! Sending love-- xo

mountainkait.com said...

I've been reading you for the past 8 months-ever since I started training for the Sugarloaf Marathon and did a search for other people training and running it. I love in Wyoming, but miss Maine deeply and have such an affinity for the area. You bring out all that I miss. I may have commented one or twice. Anyway, your writing is beautiful and I appreciate what you have shared.

Jen said...

I admire your strength and courage to share the hardships going on in your life and your family's lives. Wishing you the best. xoxoxo

bodegabliss said...

I had a feeling something like this was happening behind the scenes...I am so sorry to hear. Sending my love and support from across the country. xoxo

love is written here said...

I love you. You know that. But never hurts to hear it again. So...I love you.

rowgirl said...

Embrace the change, supported by love, as you find the path through this. We will be here when you decide to come back...or need us.

...but please keep writing for your self, you are an amazing writer and teacher in so many venues.
Thank you Emilie -

Eileen said...

I'm sorry, because I'm sure this was a difficult and painful process, but I wish you the best of peace and comfort.

Anonymous said...

Have read your blog almost from day one & somehow had a feeling that something was going on.....just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you & hope that your transition in life goes well for you & your family.....p.s. wondering how Jackson is coping too? Do you think he is understanding what is going on? Take care!

Mary IronMatron said...

You are brave. You are really brave and I respect that so much--.
Now you really do need to have dinner with Kristina and me! :) I'm sorry the last year was so hard. I think a lot of us know too deeply what it was likely like.
xo big hugs to you.

Jonesinmaine said...

xoxoxo. Sending hugs. Change is hard, but not always bad. Everyone will be ok, you have amazing kids.

Laura Giorgio said...

<3 much love to all of you. you are a big inspiration to me and I know I'm not the only one!

jenninblacks said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jenn said...

Thinking of you and wishing you the best always.

The Finicky Farmer said...

Wow, Emilie. As always, you write bravely. And I have such respect for your commitment to authenticity. Please know that my thoughts and well wishes are with you and your family. xoxo

-Emily

Anonymous said...

I was shopping once in this kitschy store, and they had a basket full of perfectly-formed ceramic hearts. They were lovely. My first instinct? Smash them all. They should all have cracks and fissures and glued-together bits. Then they would have stories, and huddle together in compassion; they would be more real and beautiful.

Anonymous said...

I was shopping once in this kitschy store, and they had a basket full of perfectly-formed ceramic hearts. They were lovely. My first instinct? Smash them all. They should all have cracks and fissures and glued-together bits. Then they would have stories, and huddle together in compassion; they would be more real and beautiful.

Erin said...

divorce is one of the most painful deaths you'll ever go thru. But sometimes the grass is greener on the other side. True story.