Just the facts.

This could potentially be the longest blog post I've ever written, but after much, much deliberation, I've decided to make it short.

I feel torn between wanting to share more about all of this and needing to keep this short, honoring the other players in this story.  Let me just catch you up. 

Sam and I have separated and I am living in a condo in the neighboring town.  This step was made after the most painful year of our lives.

Questions I'm guessing you have:

What about the kids?
Sam and I will each have them half the time.
They will not change schools.
They are so incredibly loved and they know it.
They are doing remarkably well.

Here, look:

And me?
When I'm not with my kids, I miss them terribly, but am keeping as busy as I can.
I'm still training (as best I can) for the Half Ironman triathlon.  For my sanity.
I've never lived alone before, so on the nights I don't have the kids here, I'm getting used to that.
I am so totally surrounded by love and support and friendship.
I alternate between feeling terrified and brave.  Sometimes minute-to-minute.

Among the hundreds of things I have learned through this process (and I know there are many ahead of me), I would say most strongly that you never know.  You never know what is best for someone else, you never know what goes on in someone's marriage, you don't know how others feel or how you will feel until you are faced with new territory.

"All you know for sure is that your best-laid plans are susceptible to chaos, and--conversely--that what looks to you like the worst kind of chaos is really a beautiful double spiral in three dimensions.  Whatever else you have faith in, have faith in this: there is a strange attractor at work in your life that will not let you fly off the page.  There is no order without chaos.  There is no chaos without order.  They give birth to each other again and again."   --Barbara Brown Taylor

Thanks for respecting my need to back away from the blog for a little while.  Much love to all of you.